<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>05. weakness by hedonists</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239170">05. weakness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedonists/pseuds/hedonists'>hedonists</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>EXO (Band), NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Cheating, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Mild Smut, One Night Stands, One Shot, One-Sided Relationship, Porn with Feelings, Unrequited Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:54:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,843</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239170</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedonists/pseuds/hedonists</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>doyoung watches taeyong fall for baekhyun, but he's not ready to let go.</p>
<p>
  <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24343273">pt. 2 - strength</a>
</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Byun Baekhyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>107</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>05. weakness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>tbh i'm wrong for this but i've been wanting to write it for a while anyway</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝i keep my jealousy close, cause it’s all mine. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung wipes his eyes - rougher than he should, not good for the skin and he knows it but it's 4:47 in the morning and he's barely slept at all. the only reason he knows he's slept at all is the painful reminders of having woken up - to no messages. temporarily blinding himself repeatedly in the middle of the night - maybe wishing it were permanent, at this point. he remembers when taeyong would always text him back. less than ten minutes, back then. it wasn't that long ago, either. doyoung grabs his phone again and opens the text conversation - because </span>
  <em>
    <span>just in case, </span>
  </em>
  <span>his last text message sent at a little before midnight...and read at a few minutes before 2am. but no response. </span>
  <em>
    <span>we never used to be like this, how did we get like this.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>a little bit of me, a lot of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung remembers the first few times that taeyong began working with </span>
  <em>
    <span>him. </span>
  </em>
  <span>baekhyun. he remembers how excited he was about it. never anything but all smiles when he would come home from super m related practices. it was always, "baekhyun said-" and "baekhyun did-", and he recalls how back then...he couldn't see what was happening. hindsight is clear as day, what was happening right in front of his face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he was too smitten, though. the way taeyong's beady little eyes lit up, the way they sparkled when the light caught just perfectly - the way he smiled, laughed. doyoung was blind to it until it was too late and too clear. stories brought home turned into stories told the next day because he had been invited out late - turned into stories told over text - turned into stories told weeks after the fact...because maybe taeyong was getting tired of explaining himself - turned to what doyoung can only assume is stories that were to be forever withheld from him.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"do you have feelings for him?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  
  <em>
    <span>"does he have feelings for you?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>  "are you going out with him again?"</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span><br/>
</span>
  </em>
  <em>
    <span>    "when will you be home?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝stood on my roof and tried to see you forgetting about me</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>baekhyun was charming, handsome, older. more famous, more developed, more </span>
  <em>
    <span>experienced.</span>
  </em>
  <span> he introduced himself to doyoung one night on a cold september at a super m dinner that had been planned - that taeyong invited him too, when taeyong had still been making an effort. it was windy, slightly rainy. beads sticking to the light curls hanging in front of doyoung's eyes as he stepped inside of the restaurant. doesn't take him much time to lay eyes on who he's there for, baekhyun's arm around taeyong's shoulders and leaned in close. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"are you happy?" </span>
  </em>
  <span>doyoung leans in to taeyong's other side, simply watching the way taeyong's face moves. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"i'm happy because you're here" </span>
  </em>
  <span>he answers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it was the last time taeyong went home with doyoung. 52 days ago, to be exact, but who's keeping track.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>do you ever miss us?</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung writes out hundreds of texts messages that never make it to the recipient. he's sad, and alone, and desperate, but not enough to make a fool of himself. they had agreed to remain friends, but doyoung wasn't really quite sure what that meant. "for being friends, you sure don't reply to my messages very often," he says - but to no one, because he's alone in his room, staring at the screen on his phone. johnny says he's being clingy, and that it's just going to push taeyong further away and more into baekhyun's arms - doyoung ignores everything that he says except the bit about baekhyun and demands that johnny not say his name ever again in his presence.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"i know what i'm doing, we were never really </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span> anyway," doyoung says, angrily typing into his message box to johnny.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"you say that but you're still mad as hell about it lol"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"it's just….baekhyun of all people? really?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"baekhyun is a perfectly fine class of people, you're just hurt and you can't expect taeyong to somehow absolve you of it"</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that doyoung's never cared about this sort of situation before. sure, he's dated plenty, been left, left others - it's really never been a big deal.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>but taeyong is different. doyoung thinks that if he were some sort of corny romantic he would akin it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span>. taeyong in all of his 5'6"-ness and silver hair with the roots starting to grow out past a point where it can look intentional...doyoung thinks if he were different that maybe taeyong would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>the one.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>when baekhyun and doyoung happened to meet in the hallway during their respective practice schedules, it was only half as painful as he had anticipated. baekhyun was nice enough, uncomfortable - clearly more informed than doyoung was on the situation at the time. it was only 27 days since, at this point. doyoung was still hopelessly optimistic. baekhyun knew things that he didn't know. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"ah, doyoung," baekhyun started, bowing slightly, "good luck on your schedules!"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung replied the same, because he had to. respectfully so. baekhyun's face said a million words that the man himself didn't. the way he could barely make eye contact, the shuffling of his feet, his nervous laughter - he and taeyong's relationship was the best kept secret that everyone knew about - except doyoung. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"tell taeyong i said hi," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he says as they go their separate ways, and he kicks himself for it immediately after. fucking idiot, but the bright side is that he knows that message will never actually make it to the intended receiver of it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>most of doyoung's words will fail to land, he realizes. </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝the hand behind this pen relives a failure everyday. </span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>day 84 is approximately when doyoung starts letting go. johnny gives him plenty of complaining time - makeshift therapy - a painful experience for the throwaway therapist, to have to listen to and attempt to make sense of doyoung's thoughts. not the type to take criticism, or advice, or anything really. johnny learns very early on that doyoung just needs to </span>
  <em>
    <span>talk</span>
  </em>
  <span>. that he'll figure it out eventually. doyoung finally stops checking his text messages despite not having any new notifications, and the pain of waking up alone no longer is the first thing he thinks about in the morning. sleeping in past 4am is a new development, as well. he still misses taeyong, but it doesn't consume every waking moment of his thoughts anymore, a new development.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>unfortunately, sometimes new bridges don't have the foundation for longevity that one would need. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>and it's about midnight that his phone lights up from across the room, the text tone resounds even through his headphones and it's taeyong. he contemplates not even looking at it, much less answering it, as payback for all of the times that taeyong left him on 'read'.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>but he's not quite there yet, when it comes to the path of recovery.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"hey, want to catch up tonight?"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>his stomach turns. it feels like a punch straight to the chest and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>knows </span>
  </em>
  <span> that he needs to say no.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>but he's not going to.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong's wearing a pair of jeans that fits very particularly and doyoung knows that he's mentioned it to him before. loose shirt under a slightly-too-big jacket and taeyong lets himself into the apartment. "hey" is all he says, and doyoung doesn't even really respond to it. truth be told, he's still sort of in awe at the fact that he's even seeing taeyong, much less that he's inside of his apartment. it's been...a long time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he remembers the last night that they had been here together, the night that doyoung met baekhyun at that dinner. he doesn't remember if he knew then, or if it had just been made obvious after the fact - that doyoung was losing taeyong. doyoung recalls that the sex that night had been different...taeyong was so needy, he tended to be that way anyways, but it was so exacerbated that night. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>although maybe thinking about fucking him isn't the best move in the current climate.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>he does look good, though.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung cracks open a bottle of wine and the </span>
  <em>
    <span>nice </span>
  </em>
  <span>wine glasses that he got from a small shop around the corner instead of ikea. taeyong laughs because they look exactly the same and it brings doyoung back to a place that's all too familiar. he considers that he wasn't quite ready to do this yet, and that </span>
  <em>
    <span>maybe </span>
  </em>
  <span>it's a tad bit detrimental to his moving on from the situation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>until taeyong rolls his eyes at a text message received. doyoung almost resists asking. almost.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"something wrong?"</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it's bait and he knows it - he knows taeyong probably knows it too. taeyong came here, after all. it's just a big game of cat and mouse, although doyoung isn't quite sure if he's supposed to be chasing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"ah it's just-" and taeyong's phone rings, "sorry let me-" and doyoung simply motions him to go ahead and take it. taeyong answers, already running a hand through his hair out of stress, and doyoung can't hear who is on the other end but he knows who it is. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"no i'm not, i'm just-" but taeyong sighs, presumably cut off from finishing his sentence, "no, i'm just-" and doyoung watches his shoulders slink as he's cut off again.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"i'm not with him," doyoung hears taeyong whisper, and he really wonders if it's what he thinks it is. "i promise."</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝i hate the way you say my name like it's something secret.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>noises from the street down below spill into the bedroom of doyoung's apartment, the sliding glass door only slightly cracked to let some air inside. the blinds flowing back and forth, painting dancing shadow figures on the walls on the other side of the room. people talking, car horns blaring, the streets below them bustle in the middle of the night. seoul nightlife flourishes. it's somehow on doyoung's mind as he picks out taeyong's groans from the rest of the sounds in the room. ears so perfectly honed in on the sound of the way his breath hitches beneath him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>"doyoung," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he also manages to make out from the auditory clutter - his favorite. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"yeah?" he answers, dipping his face into the crook of taeyong's neck as he carefully, but rhythmically pushes into him - not too hard, not with too much force, but enough that taeyong presses further and further up the mattress as they carry on. taeyong doesn't answer though. doyoung simply carries on, relishing the feeling of being back to the exact place he had been wanting to be for months - and not concerned about how or why he ended up there. he lightly takes a bit of skin between his lips, just barely between his teeth - he likes the way taeyong arches into him when he does it, and the way he inhales sharply. </span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝i'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>truthfully, doyoung doesn't know what the situation is between taeyong and baekhyun at this point. he knows that baekhyun is upset, taeyong is upset. taeyong is in his bed, he is inside of taeyong. probably not the best place for him to be, given the circumstances. what if baekhyun finds out? although surely that's not doyoung's responsibility. he doesn't know what goes on between them, taeyong doesn't even text him back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>except for a guilt-fuck, apparently.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung wraps an arm under one of taeyong's shoulders for leverage as he starts pushing harder and harder into him, both of their breathy tones picking up. he realizes that they'd actually been at it for almost an hour by now, and thinks about how much he had just been taking the moment in again as it had been so long. </span>
  <em>
    <span>plus, when would the next time be?</span>
  </em>
  <span> but he sees the way taeyong is unraveled beneath him, and he hasn't quite begged to come yet, but he knows he will soon. he tells taeyong to maintain eye contact with him as they come in between kisses planted on the corner of and on taeyong's mouth and taeyong agrees, although he'll agree to just about anything in his current state of desperate. doyoung pulls his body up but only enough so that his weight isn't fully on the man beneath him and stares into taeyong's shining brown eyes. he's painfully close and bites the bottom of his lip only for a moment before dipping his head down and breaking the eye contact he had previously demanded, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"ah, fuck, taeyong," </span>
  </em>
  <span>he whispers, </span>
  <em>
    <span>"i-i lo-"</span>
  </em>
  <span> he starts, but manages to maintain enough composure to simply </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>lose his fucking mind, and taeyong starts coming first, thankfully, taking the attention off of doyoung's fumbled confession. fingers digging into doyoung's shoulder and the pillow below his head, doyoung's always loved watching the way taeyong comes undone when he finishes but it's even sweeter now, because he's almost certain that he shouldn't be seeing it. he's always had taeyong under his thumb - sexually, especially. baekhyun has a lot of things on doyoung, but not that, because if he had, then taeyong wouldn't be here right now.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝keep quiet, nothing comes as easy as you.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>he watches the way taeyong's chest rises and falls once they both finish and doyoung rolls to the side. taeyong stares at the white ceiling above them, breathless, wordless. doyoung notes the way the mans hands shake when he brings one up to brush his hair from his face, and it pleases him - just a little bit. the problem is, that he doesn't know what to say now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>"so, i-" he starts, and taeyong sits up suddenly. rubs his face with his palms, and looks down at doyoung. he smiles. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>ah, so that's it</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung watches as taeyong gets dressed, too quickly for his liking. he mentions something about how he doesn't have to leave just yet and taeyong awkwardly laughs at the idea, as if it's so foreign to him - staying the night with doyoung. the pieces of the puzzle are starting to come together and he realizes he never has been very good at deciphering these situations until after the fact. taeyong is seemingly always one step ahead, one step closer to getting everything he wants with no consequences. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung isn't even sure he'd be willing to turn him down after the fact, knowing what he knows now. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong leaves the room momentarily to grab his phone and then comes back, but he doesn't enter. simply stands in the door way, silently for a moment, also probably trying to figure out how to navigate the situation.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung wonders if taeyong's done this exact same thing with baekhyun, in an opposite scenario. he realizes he doesn't actually know who is ever winning.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>except taeyong, of course.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝wish that i was as invisible as you make me feel.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p>
  <span>taeyong says something about how he should probably get going, he has a schedule to go to early tomorrow, thanks for having him over, so on and so forth. doyoung just stares at the ceiling above him, arms crossed beneath his head. taeyong doesn't wait for a response and just leaves. almost as quickly as he had arrived, is the way it feels to doyoung. he takes a moment to hone in on the sounds around him, the same sounds from before - when taeyong was in his bed, moaning his name. it feels almost as if he was never there, that doyoung had hallucinated the entire thing, but the tender skin on his shoulder blade from one of taeyong's ill-filed nails tells a different tale. he's still listening for it, but can't hear the way taeyong sounds when he's close. unfortunately, it's the only thing he wants to hear, even still. he hears a couple of guys downstairs getting into a verbal altercation about accidentally brushing shoulders. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung considers he's never felt worse than right now, in this moment. he also makes peace with the fact that he will never be able to turn taeyong down. doyoung recalls conversations with johnny, about how he would never stoop so low to being someone's dirty little secret, or being the other man? it's laughable, he thinks, now. how did he get here?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>his phone buzzes and he hopes it's taeyong, but he's not willing to put money on it. it is, though, and he opens the message.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"thanks for tonight, we probably shouldn't do that again, though…"</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>doyoung isn't sure if he should just tell the truth, be open, be honest, tell taeyong that he wants him back and that whatever it is, they can work on it - he will work on it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>"make sure to change my name to something inconspicuous in your contacts" </span>
  </em>
  <span>he replies, lazily dropping his phone to the floor next to where he lies.</span>
</p>
<p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>❝this is me wishing you into the worst situations,</span>
    </em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>
      <span>  i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go.</span>
    </em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p><br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
</body>
</html>